The Ins-and-Outs of Having a Bachelor Party At The Mohegan Sun
This is a story about thirty-two guys trying to have a good time at a bachelor party at the Mohegan Sun Hotel and Casino in the Connecticut Woods.
Gambling, guns and firewater are all OK – but bachelor parties, strippers, midget boxing with hot card-girls, celebrities like Wendy-the-retard, marijuana and vials of cocaine are definitely not officially allowed at any of the Indian Casinos in the Connecticut Wood’s which includes both Mohegan Sun and Foxwoods. Planning a bachelor party at either the Mohegan Sun or Foxwoods Casino is no easy task. These two Indian heritage casinos are a decent draw for the pre-party or post-party activities, but with their many (fun) restrictions they don’t score very well at hosting the bachelor party itself. This means that having a bachelor party at the Mohegan Sun or Foxwoods can be a disaster. If you are the party-planner, then you may be up shit’s creek without a paddle.
Our bachelor party was for thirty-two guys in the mood for a raucous bachelor party. where nothing was left off the menu – The average age was 38 and disposable income was as-much-as-it-takes. This is the story of how we made the bachelor party in the Connecticut Woods a success, no thanks to Mohegan Sun or Foxwoods though, who seemed to get in the way of the fun at every stage.
Connecticut Casinos Ban Bachelor Parties From The Very Beginning
Having a bachelor party at the Mohegan Sun or Foxwoods casinos is a pretty hard endeavor as both casinos have banned bachelor parties since their respective openings in 1996 and 1986. We realized early on that we were going to have to do some smart planning for the bachelor party if we wanted to have it there. Let’s be clear, both casinos say that bachelor parties are allowed, but any bachelor party activity that involves any of the classic bachelor party activities, like heavy drinking, partying, strippers or private dancing, are all rigorously banned on both respective casino properties and vigorously policed by its security staff. This ban also applies to their hotel rooms, suites, penthouse suites and even the private function rooms. Both casinos do, however, allow tamer “conservative” bachelor party activities that allow them to rake money out of the group on the premise that your “poor excuse” of a bachelor party was fun after all. Their fun (but very lame for a bachelor party) activities include gambling, bars and nightclubs – things you could do any day of the week in pretty much any city in America. Clearly a bachelor party without a hot stripper is like a stripper without her high heels (especially the Lucite ones with little orange goldfish in them). On a recent telephone conversation, Foxwoods Casino laughingly stated that they could provide “all manner” of entertainment for a bachelor party, including private gambling rooms, special tables in their restaurants and nightclubs, reserved areas in the Sports Book, VIP access to many of their services and other “Family friendly” pursuits. The casino staff were reviled when we asked if we could have “bachelor party entertainment” in the hotel suite. When we spoke of having some strippers in the hotel room they responded with statements like “We don’t want those sick activities in our casino, hotel or anywhere on premise”, “we don’t allow prostitution” and “our casino is for families, not sexual depravity”. This seems quite hypocritical given that alcohol and gambling itself are the least puritan activities known to man.
Another major consideration against having a bachelor party at the Mohegan Sun is that it is a Connecticut casino and that many fun-parts of the casinos close early on a Saturday night, subject to the CT liquor laws. Say goodbye to bars and restaurants after 1 AM. What a snooze-fest for your final days as a free man.
Mohegan Sun was no different, they made it clear that if they found out about any Bachelor party having a stripper anywhere in their hotel, their security team would close it down, escort all patrons off the premises (irregardless of whether they were paid guests or not ) and not allow the guests back in the casino for 6 months. We are not quite clear on how they police this ban though, but they seemed pretty pissed about it. When pressed, both these Casino’s admitted to an out-and-out ban on in-room adult “dancers” – which is a bit of a hypocrisy given the number of women with questionable “morals” that can be seen around the main floor in the Mohegan Sun on a Saturday night. It also seems that private “Massage” and escort services (IE straight prostitution) are perfectly acceptable to Mohegan Sun as long as they don’t know about it – but anytime there are a loud bunch of guys yelling at the stripper to get her clothes off, they draw the line – not because it’s bad for business, it’s just because it’s too loud to ignore – they cannot pretend that they don’t know what’s going on, even if the boys did rent out the penthouse suite at the Mohegan.
The Worst Place For a Bachelor Party – The Strip Club
Lazy bachelor party organizers will often choose a strip club for the Bachelor party. Unfortunately, strip clubs are a lame solution for this kind of celebration. They tend to be expensive and then they kick you out the moment money stops flowing. Nothing really happens in the champagne room and the whole experience can leave a nasty taste in your mouth and that empty feeling in your wallet. Coupled with that, there really aren’t any strip clubs near Mohegan Sun anyway, the closest is in Groton or Rhode Island. Let’s not forget that in Rhode Island prostitution was legal until recently, so there are a great deal of “entertainers” with the old mind set (before the puritans invaded) that REALLY know how to host a BP – but this piece is all about the bachelor party at Mohegan Sun, so let’s please stay on topic.
The other bad place for a bachelor party is anywhere where you will get kicked out or closed down (unless you want it closed down of course) – the best parties are closed down by the police, but only when you want them closed down, not when they are in full swing.
The Best Venue For a Bachelor Party – The Hotel Suite
Hotel suites are the perfect venue for the Bachelor Party – its private and you won’t get interrupted – the party can get crazy and the entertainers can be “Full Service” if required without risk of ejection or prosecution. But with the ban at Mohegan Sun and Foxwoods, there is no way you can have a bachelor party at the Mohegan Sun. We quickly realized that an outside hotel was the way to go for our bachelor party – There are all manner of other hotels in the area of Mohegan Sun, many with large suites or function rooms that perfectly suit the bachelor party. Some of the local hotels that are suitable are Comfort Suites, Holiday Inn, Marriott Courtyard, The Inn at Norwich and Motel 6. In our case it also helped that all 32 guys were staying at the hotel, which makes it a lot easier to buy the whole floor, so there is little chance that someone’s “little darling” will come out of the elevator and see all manner of lewd and lasciviousness acts unfolding on the elevator landing. Also random girls are more inclined to come back to a large hotel suite to party.
The Strippers At Mohegan Sun
Let’s get down to the strippers. There are no local stripper agencies anywhere near the Mohegan Sun or Foxwoods, let alone in Norwich, Danbury or any other parts of Connecticut. So it’s necessary to import the dancing talent from Boston, Providence or even New York City for a bachelor party at the Mohegan Sun or Foxwoods. Rumor has it that there is stripper agency in Norwich, but we couldn’t locate it. Many agencies pretend to actually have an office locally, but it’s all a lie – so don’t fall for it. They have just bought a local phone number and when you call it, it will ring at their customer support in India, where their names are Fred and Jenny and their favorite food is “Hamburglar”
Even though Foxwoods or Mohegan Sun have banned bachelor parties, we thought they at least might know of a reputable company in the area – no dice, they were offended by the question and insulted of the thought of them being asked to recommend anyone. These casinos really have a nerve; next they will be banning the 28th amendment, that’s a US citizens right to have fun.
The Pre and Post Party Activities Itinerary
The bachelor party isn’t meant to be just a 2 hour occurrence, it’s really an all-day event – with a variety of activities that get the group warmed up to the big finale at the end of the night.
Our party started with golf (Which actually got rained out so a pre-gamble at Mohegan Sun happened instead). Then came the drinks and food at the suite. All nicely liquored up, the main event came on. We got 4 girls for the party, as 2 or 3 girls is too few for a group of 32 – turns into a leer-fest. 4 girls keeps the dynamic just right – we don’t care that the girls don’t make as much money – We want the best experience possible for our party and really don’t give a shit about their profit. We followed the stripper action with a bout of post-gamble, dinner or nightclub at the Mohegan Sun – choices that all of the group could make depending on their inclination.
After-The-Party Mistakes: Bachelor Party at the Mohegan Sun
After the Bachelor Party at the Mohegan Sun, don’t bother dressing to impress at the Casino. The hotel is not a great place to have a sophisticated bachelor party as the people on Saturday nights at the Mohegan Sun are usually wearing jeans and T shirts. The decently dressed crowd is definitely in the minority and they look pretty stupid. Countless obese women wearing overly tight dresses provided an unsettling wallpaper of bikini-lard spilling-out to the latter part of the night is a sight best forgotten, unless you are drunk and are looking to hook up with Nellie the elephant.
Amazingly, The Connecticut State Police actually patrol inside the Casino, which comes as a bit of a shock. This spells danger as the casino clearly doesn’t have enough of its own security manpower to deal with its belligerent, cheating, drunk or fighting guests. Clearly, the casino’s security detail is too busy closing down bachelor parties to deal with any real crime taking place.
Surprisingly, both Mohegan Sun and Foxwoods close pretty early on a Saturday night. The bars close at 12:30AM and all liquor at the gaming tables ceases at 1:30AM. The night club closes at 2AM and the Casino is completely dead by 2:30 AM – even though the gaming tables may stay open 24hrs a day. In addition, all the regular restaurants close early, which means that only the fast food style joints stay open and are packed to the seams with horny men and porky women. It’s a mess.
It is clear that for a successful bachelor party at the Mohegan Sun or Foxwoods, it will need to start early, as early as 5PM. Our party got going at 11PM, which would be extremely early for Vegas or Atlantic City, but woefully late for the native American Indians of the Mohegan Sun. It gave us no time to get into a nightclub later and it was little fun negotiating around the hordes of lard-asses that already occupied the casino. Forget paying $50 to get into the nightclubs that only stay open for another two hours and spend your money on some dancers back in the room, but keep a muzzle on them otherwise Mohegan Sun and their security Nazis will be kicking them (and you) out of the hotel at 3AM, which will make this experience one of your worst.